What a magnificent concept; Renewal – to make something New AGAIN!
My journey through the valley of despair as it were, is still quite ongoing and still monumentally difficult and often very painful. Each day something new arises to remind me that i am broken.
BUT THAT’S THE KEY! How can a person ever hope to be restored, not only wto what our life once looked like, but restored to the Life God has intended for us to be living if what they have built their life into isn’t first stripped away..
Depression and consequences of choices made often seem to build on one another creating a sort of Inner Perfect Storm. There’s always this black cloud following me from the moment I arise each morning until I finally drift to sleep each night. each day I awaken with the ever-present sadness that has plagued my life as of late. Trying to find a way out of the chaos and a path to the end of my pain is most all I ever think about. Perhaps, i’m unhappy, uncontent and without peace because I’m not living the life God has planned for me. Which brings mye full-circle to the state of being broken. To most of my peers, colleagues family and friends, this means there is something wrong with me,that must be repaired or set right. I can get back to being “Morgan”, but the more I gaze into the heart of the Father the more I begin to see myself through his eyes and from his vantage point. It’s hard, change always is. It’s rough and real change, the kind that transforms something most would simply discard into something new and old, beautiful and weathered, and something that is once again useful.
Through therapy I’ve learned a lot of skills that allow me to cope with the different challenges I face. It’s a new fight each day. Sometimes I win, not always, but the ratio of wins to losses is increasing all the time. But, in times of “high” stress, not the debilitating kind, but the times where I must turn my mind, I stumbled across my new hobby woodworking.
This is where I find some beautiful inspiration. I love the idea of taking things like old wood from a barn or old-style paned glass windows and turning these things into furniture. It involves restoration and renewal; two sides of the same coin, but each important.
Restoration takes things most would consider to have served its purpose and is no longer useful and putting in time, energy and a lot of work to breathe new life into once was considered “Dead”. Restoration begins by striping away all the former finish to reveal the unblemished surface beneath. This process is always abrasive and takes a lot of work; yet is arguably the most important step on the road to renewal. If you don’t get all the old off, the new will not hold.
The Psalmist speaks of how god views “broken” people in Psalms 51:7-17
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
so that sinners will turn back to you.
14 Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
you who are God my Savior,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 Open my lips, Lord,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 My sacrifice, O God, is<sup class="footnote" value="[b]”> a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart
you, God, will not despise”
What is astonishing to me is that we all continue chasing after our own desires. Many of us struggle to grab hold of a dream that doesn’t turn out to be a nightmare; or we find ourselves shipwrecked when our dreams come true, yet they were nothing like what we imagined. Certain were we, that THIS life was what we wanted, what would make us happy, whole, complete and what we would die for; yet, instead it almost kills us. It is exhausting trudging through life always thinking, “If I could just get that job or that house or that car or whatever we imagine up for ourselves, then everything would be ok.” Only to discover that even if those things are achieved and those things are achieved and those dreams realized – they simply aren’t enough. We find ourselves still searching for something more; something to fill the emptiness we feel deep within. Its exactly this point that led me to my current state of brokenness. Dreams seized and promptly self-shattered.
So, I find myself scattered into pieces; struggling, straining to figure out how to put myself back together. But what if…
What if God doesn’t want me put back together? What if God wants to take those random bits of me and restore the person whom He created and called to His service. to take what once was filthy, old and ugly and turn it into something bold and beautiful.
To be continued….