Building a Life Worth Living: Gloriously lost in the Dessert

Recently, like the last two day recently, my future in the military has been decided; I am to be medically retired on the 25th of July.  To be honest, up to this point I had become, once again, quite complacent.  Then as the shadow of reality crept overhead, it sank in “I’ve got to figure out what I’m going to do!”  Notice here that I said “what”; however, this isn’t the what do I want to be when I grow up, incidentally I still don’t have an answer to that question, or the what school to go to or what degree to pursue or so on and so forth.  As previously stated, I’m a “Doer” a man in motion, plans within plans within plans.  Fallback options if the first few fail or I simply get bored.  This “What” is more life-altering than those; this “What” means finally stopping running away from God (like I could anyway) and taking a leap of faith.
To be very honest, I toyed with the idea of pursing my passion for the culinary arts, there was the idea of turning my photography and videography into a career, and even the thought of simply running….running and never stopping going somewhere where I could be secluded and alone with my misery.
But God, those have to be two of my most favorite words in all of scripture.  They form the framework for every situation, circumstance or bad choice I’ve made in my own life.  Each time myself or my choices or others have meant to destroy me, those words ring out, BUT GOD!
But I digress.  In a recent post I quoted the Psalmist in chapter 51:7-17; and too be honest I only used it because it speaks of how The Father Views a broken and contrite heart….but as I read those words again, I began to weap. 
THE ENTIRE PASSAGE WAS WRITTEN FOR ME< TO ME< ABOUT ME!!!!  Never before has a piece of scripture reached out right into my life and quite plainly and loudly TOLD me exactly what I need and what I need to do.  Check this out:
Psalm 51:7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; was me and I will be whiter than snow.
Who among us hasn’t or doesn’t feel that we’ve “done it this time”, “God will never reach into this muddy mess I’ve drug his name through this time.”  “I’ve simply gone to far.”  Whom among you hasn’t SCREAMED AT GOD in desperation to FIX our situation!  CLEANSE ME OH LORD!!!!
Psalm 51:8; Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice.”
For me my days are plagued by depression and I long for Joy and Peace and Gladness…a reason to rejoice.  I feel “Crushed” as the passage says….
Oh, it’s getting good now….its at this point my ears perked up and my spirit really began listening…..
V.9 “Hide your face from y sins and blot out all my iniquity.  (Morgan’s translation  Lord, please forgive all this crap I’ve done AGAIN and lets pretend like it never happened….just don’t let me do it again!)
v.10 Create in my a PURE heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit from me.
For me this means, free me from all my selfish ambitions – my desire to “be the man”, to be important, to be “Somebody” and create the kind of sticktoitness that it will take following the Hard road….Like PAUL!
V.11 Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. 
Despite all I’ve done, please don’t leave me lord!
V.12 Restore to me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
This WILLING SPIRIT is an attitude and and outlook.  The attitude is that it’s all because of Jesus and he deserves all of me because it’s all because He shed his blood that I’m even able to draw breath, that I’m not cast out of the father’s sight, that I am beloved of the KING.  To always remember that it is for Him that I live and I will go and do where He is and what He is doing – regardless……
V.13 THEN I will teach transgressors your ways, so that sinners will turn back to you. 
(Just like was done for me….this is my calling….to go to the marginalized and let them know they are not alone, there are those of us who’ve been there.  And God does not hate them, regardless of what they’ve been told.  Whether Gay or Lesbian, Muslim, Hindu, black or white, young or old, homeless or rich, Junkie or quarterback….WE ARE ALL THE SAME IN THE SIGHT OF GOD.  GOD IS LOVE! 
I could most certainly go on and on and on with this passage, but that wasn’t so much the point of this entry…although it is the best part.
Nope, this entry is to simply say…HERE AM I, SEND ME!